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There are no changes to park facility status under the further extension of the stay at home order through February 28, 2021.
Campgrounds remain open under the order. For campgrounds with 24-hour access, please observe the Night-Time Public Closure Period guidelines and do not leave the campground between 10 p.m. and 5 a.m.
Visitor centers and park offices are open, and masks or face coverings are required to enter. Picnic shelters and group campsites that accommodate less than 50 people are open. Most trails, restrooms, playgrounds, and several boat ramps are open.
Camping reservations must be done online. Walk-up camping are available only at certain loops at Jordan Lake and Kerr Lake and at backcountry campsites with self-registration boxes at trailheads. Please check the park pages for more information about camping procedures.
Swim beaches and areas are closed. There are no equipment rentals and concessions available.
Indoor facilities are currently not available for reservation. Larger outdoor facilities with a maximum capacity of more than 50 people are also not available for reservation.
When you're at the park:
- Maintain a social distance of 6 feet, regardless of the behavior of others
- Bring a mask or face covering; they are required to be worn inside buildings and when social distancing cannot be implemented
- Share the trail — warn other trail users of your presence, step to the side or wait at the end of a bridge
- Do not enter restrooms until others have cleared out and please be patient when staff is cleaning them
- Touch as few surfaces as possible
- Wash or sanitize your hands before, during, and after your visit
- Do not share equipment like phones or cameras with other visitors
- If the park seems crowded when you arrive, come back another time
- Stay at home if you are exhibiting symptoms
Thank you for following these guidelines and helping us keep you, your fellow visitors and our staff safe as we open facilities at our parks.
ACT ONE
At Burns' mansion. The shots pans down past several signs on the gate: Keep Out, Danger Electrified Fence, Trespassers Will Be Shot, and Free Kittens - Inquire Within. Outside the front door, several guards march up and down, chanting.
GUARDS
All we own, we o-own, all we own, we o-own.
SMITHERS
(leaning out of a window) Shh!
GUARDS
(quieter) All we own, we o-own, all we own, we o-own...
Inside the mansion, Burns is in bed. We see his dream - a young Burns, playing with a stuffed bear.
BURNS
Tra-la-la-la-la-la! Tra-la-la-la-la! I'm the happiest boy there is, aren't I, Bobo?
A limousine pulls up, and the passenger talks to Burns' parents.
MOTHER
Happy! Come here, Happy!
BURNS
Yes, Mumsy?
FATHER
Happy, would you like to continue living with us, your loving natural parents, or would you rather live with this twisted, loveless billionaire?
Burns drops the bear, jumps into the limo, and puts sunglasses on.
BURNS
Let's roll!
FATHER
(calling after him) Wait! You forgot your bear, a symbol of your lost youth and innocence! Ah, oh well, at least we still have his little brother George.
GEORGE
(sings) Bwa bwa bwa bwa, Oh the sun shines bright on my old Kentucky Home, Bwa bwa bwa bwa... (spoken) Trust me, it'll be funny when I'm an old man.
The dream fades back to the present. Burns tosses and turns in his bed, holding a Nev-R-Break snow globe.
BURNS
I want my... teddy...
Smithers walks in as he drops the snow globe.
BURNS
Bobo... Bobo... (Smithers wakes him up) Huh? Oh, it's you. The bedpan's under my pillow.
SMITHERS
Who's Bobo, sir?
BURNS
Bobo? Uh, I... I... I meant Lobo! Uh, Sheriff Lobo, they never should have cancelled that show.
SMITHERS
I see. On another topic the preparations for your birthday have begun.
BURNS
I won't get what I really want.
SMITHERS
No one does...
Smithers imagines a naked Mr. Burns popping out of a birthday cake, singing.
BURNS
Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers!
Smithers groans with pleasure. At the Simpsons home, Homer tosses in bed.
HOMER
Lobo... Lobo... Bring back Sheriff Lobo... Lobo... Lobo! (waking up with a jolt) Aaah!
MARGE
What is it?
Homer points to the calendar by the bed.
HOMER
Oh no! Burns' birthday!
MARGE
What's wrong?
HOMER
Every time Mr. Burns has a birthday, all the employees have to help out at the party. And I always get some terrible job.
He recalls holding a piñata while a blindfolded Burns swings at it.
BURNS
Where is that dreaded piñata?
HOMER
(hit by Burns) Ow. (hit) Ow. (hit) Ow. (hit) Missed me, heh heh! (hit) Ow.
Back to reality, and Marge has fallen back asleep.
Later that day at work, Homer is being played a prank on by his co-workers. They look on and laugh as Homer struggles to remove a coat hanger stuck in his shirt.
HOMER
Not funny! And the one in my pant really hurts!
Everyone laughs harder. Meanwhile, Burns watches him on the security monitors.
BURNS
That man who's getting all those laughs, Smithers - who is he?
SMITHERS
Homer Simpson, sir, one of the carbon blobs from sector 7-G, but I don't think--
BURNS
I want this Simpson fellow to perform comedy at my party. I must harness his fractured take on modern life.
SMITHERS
Fine, sir. I'll get him started on some snappy Sinbad-esque material.
Back at home, Homer writes his comedy act.
HOMER
(chuckling) Hee hee hee, I'm so funny. This is gonna be great!
MARGE
What are you doing?
HOMER
I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poopoo one word or two?
Homer & Bart laugh.
MARGE
I don't think it's a good idea to humiliate your boss on his birthday.
LISA
Actually, Mom, a tweaking of Mr. Burns' foibles if done with the greatest of care could earn Dad a special place in the old man's heart.
HOMER
Well, I also do a delightful impression of him. (chuckles) I paint a frowny face on my butt and pull down my pants!
Bart laughs and gives Homer a high-five. Marge and Lisa groan.
It's Burns' birthday. Homer practices his comedy act in front of the mirror.
HOMER
Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
BART
Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
LISA
Does either of you know what incontinent means?
HOMER
Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
MARGE
Come on, everybody, it's time to go.
HOMER
Okay, stupid!
MARGE
Homer, you've got to stop insulting everyone, especially your boss!
HOMER
Marge, the comedy roast is an American tradition. It's what gives us the freedom to criticize our social betters. (outside) Hey Flanders! You smell like manure!
FLANDERS
Uh oh. Better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose news, neighbor!
At the party, the guests enter. Former President George Bush is pulled aside by one of the guards.
GUARD
Hey! No one-termers.
Bush is pushed aside. Jimmy Carter has also been refused entry.
CARTER
You too, huh? Hey, I know a good yogurt place.
BUSH
Get away from me, loser.
Inside Burns' mansion. Smithers introduces the party.
SMITHERS
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Montgomery Burns: the life.
He shows some slides from Mr. Burns' life. A slide showing Burns with Bobo comes up.
BURNS
Oh, Bobo...
SMITHERS
Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones!
BURNS
Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
RAMONE #1
I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
RAMONE #2
Hey, up yours, Springfield.
RAMONE #1
One, two, three, four! (loud guitar music begins) Happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #2
(backing) Happy birthday!
RAMONE #1
Happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #2
(backing) Happy birthday!
RAMONE #1
Happy birthday, Burnsie, happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #3
Go to hell, you old bastard!
The song finishes and the curtain closes.
RAMONE #4
Hey, I think they liked us.
BURNS
Have the Rolling Stones killed.
SMITHERS
But sir, those aren't the--
BURNS
Do as I say!
Burns opens his presents.
BURNS
Uh, stink, piffle... Dust Buster? Ugh...
Marge groans. Smithers brings a TV screen into view.
SMITHERS
Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands tonight and spell out your name with candles. There's a satellite hookup on that monitor if you'll just turn your head slightly.
BURNS
Bah! No time! Next!
Homer Hookup Tonight Cast
SMITHERS
I have some sad news to report. A small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was just run over in the parking lot. (audience gasp) And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!
Homer comes on stage.
HOMER
(loudly) Are you ready to laugh?
MAN
Poor dog.
HOMER
(loudly) I said, are you ready to laugh?
WOMAN
Quiet, you awful man!
HOMER
You know, Mr. Burns is so cheap!
BURNS
What?
HOMER
I mean, y'know, Mr. Burns is so old!
BURNS
How dare you!
HOMER
(to himself) Whoo, tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns. (to audience) Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find a little... cheeky!
He turns round, bends over and drops his pants to reveal a face painted on his butt. He wiggles his butt to the crowd.
HOMER
(mimicking) I'm Mr. Burns! Blah blah blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah blah! Do this, do that, blah blah blah!
BURNS
Destroy him.
Several guards approach him, wielding clubs.
HOMER
Bla bla bla-- (a guard hits him) Ow!
BURNS
This party is over!
A riot squad enters the room and causes chaos.
Back at the Simpsons' home. Homer has a lump on his head.
HOMER
Oh, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
LISA
I'd like to believe that this time, I really would.
MARGE
Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father's head.
BART
Yes'm. (He turns to Homer) Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world your fat can.
HOMER
Don't worry boy, she'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
LISA
I knew it...
At Burns' mansion, Smithers tries to comfort Burns.
SMITHERS
Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir: King Arthur's Excalibur; the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain; and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word 'suckers' in it.
BURNS
Yes yes yes, so what?
Homer Hookup Tonight Night
SMITHERS
You want your Bobo, don't you?
BURNS
Liar! I'll give you the thrashing of a lifetime! (He tries, but is too feeble.) Resistance is futile! (He falls into Smithers arms.) Oh God, how I want my bear. But he's gone, gone forever. I'd give anything to know what happened to him.
The next few scenes follow Bobo's journey. The bear remains in the snow where it was dropped. When the snow melts, the bear is swept into the river. It is picked up in 1927 by a man who gives it to Charles Lindberg.
MAN
Why, put some grease in your garter, Lindy, you're late!
Lindberg flies off in a plane. He passes over Germany where a young Adolf Hitler catches Bobo as it falls. Later, in 1947, Hitler is in a bunker, while Germany is being bombed. He picks up the bear.
HITLER
This is all your fault!
He throws the bear outside. Next we see it in 1957, atop a submarine about to dive. Bobo becomes frozen in a block of ice, and is dug up in the Arctic in the present day. He is packed into a bag of ice, and put in a van. The van then arrives at the Kwik-E-Mart, and the men unload the bags of ice.
MAN
You've gotta start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition.
APU
If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.
The men chatter, unable to think of one.
MAN
Beats me.
Bart picks up a bag.
BART
Hey Apu, this bag of ice has a head in it.
APU
Ooh, a head bag! Those are choc-full of... heady goodness!
Bart opens the bag back at home and pulls out Bobo.
BART
Hey, it's a teddy bear. Ugh, gross, it's probably diseased or something. Here Maggie.
He gives the bear to Maggie. A close up of the bear shows a '100% COTTON' label, and then a label marked 'Bobo'.